Wednesday, June 25, 2008

this is gonna be long and deep

i got married at 18, yes a lot of people said your too young to get married.
yeah, at the time i thought all those people were stupid for saying that.
At 18 your an adult, and you can vote, drink and do adult things, but now i see
the point in what they were saying.

i went from home with mom to married in less then two months. no time on my own.
no time to see things in the world that i had a chance in seeing with my own eyes.

i have always had one or two good friends. but when i married it was all about his friends, mine fell to the way side and i did not try to keep in contact. which was a good idea, because now they are all either divorce and remarried to scums or single and drug addicts.

once married we could have gone out on vacations to see things and we did a few times.
but now with a kid there is not time to do things by our selves. which i understand completely.
she needs attention and to be taken care of.

but my point in this is i now have friends that i love spending time with. they make me feel good about being me. they are there when i need them to be. "F" is too, but in his eyes "L" comes first.

i want to shout" WHAT ABOUT ME?" what about the things i want to do?
what about a weekend away from all that drives me nuts?

we spent a full week with the "family" in disney which was nice and relaxing to a degree.
the following weekend was fathers day weekend , which we spent with the "family" again.
and now this weekend, again with the "family". honestly, why so much "family time"?

i want to do things this summer and i guess i made the mistake to ASK for permission.
i should have said "I am going". i was shot down with the reply that "what about our familt vacation"?

no once have i ever said no you can not go to this and that with so and so.....not once.
he needs a hobby. and no, "L" is not a hobby.

this entry is crazy....from point to point. but it's out there.

i know a marriage is a two way street, but i am going the wrong way on a one way street.
it's give and take, but i give everyday the best i can, but i want to take things too.

spoiled? brat? nope i don't think so.

i need to talk more to "F" and let him know what i think.

i do not mind spending "family" time with them but every weekend or every other weekend is enough.

so in five weeks, i will be at home watching tv or cleaning the house or doing something to kill the time, when i could be enjoying my hobby life with friends.

that sounds selfish.

and to close, dad i will call you later in the week. i really do not feel like talking right now.

why did i ever get into scrapbooking? it's taken over my life


Anonymous said...

Hugs to you Lori. Yall will figure it out.

Mona said...

Hugs Lori! I hope you can find some comprimises so you and F can both have "me" time!! And scrapbooking is better than drugs - although not any cheaper!!

Oscar T. Grouch said...

You and F need individual me time, and I think you need time together just the two of you without L.
You have my best wishes and prayers.

Anonymous said...

If you haven't notice I haven't call
I'm not should what the --- is going on but F & L or the best things you ever had

AshleyS said...

FOR THE RECORD, I'm glad you got into scrapbooking because I now call you friend because of it.

And I'll be sitting at home on that same weekend when I really, really wish I could jump on a plane and fly to the SF. But I felt to selfish to "ask." No answers from me really, because I struggle with "me" time and "us" time constantly. You aren't alone. Sending ((HUGS)) over the miles.

Patti H said...

It is so complicated Lori we are go through the ups and downs. I wish we all could just get together and have a big ole party! But leave our scrapping stuff at home!! Hugs Lori
Love ya!!

Leslie said...

I think the me and us time struggle is something that everyone faces. I know I do. Communication is wonderful...sit down and talk to F like you said. You may not see it helping right away, but eventually if you have a chat session every day to get things out on the table you'll see good things start to happen. I'll pray that things get better for you and you know you can email me any time. Love you!

Cheri Pryor said...

Awwww, hon! I think you started scrapbooking because it was an easy way to get "me" time, but still be home. We are all better because we met you through this wonderful hobby so don't ever regret it. You and F will figure it out. Just keep trying to communicate your individual needs and your needs as a wife and it will all come together.

Love you. Big hugs.